When you get exactly what you want

Have you ever gotten exactly what you were hoping for? How did you feel? Most people would probably think "joyous", "thankful", or "awesome". But who would think "apprehensive"? That's how I feel right now.

I met a girl a couple days ago, and it's already starting to get serious. Most of you men may scoff but truth is deep down I've been wanting a girlfriend for a while and from the first time I saw this girl smile I knew I was kind of into her. So I asked for the digits and when I actually contacted this girl the sparks just flew. We made a speed-of-light connection and it just felt right. And that's about the time my brain chimed in.

Now, as I say, thoughts are powerful. Positive and Negative thoughts can lead to positive and negative actions. So when I think something like, "This is too good to be true, it can't be for real," I really wanna stab my brain with a Q-Tip because now there's a shadow of a doubt about whether this is the right call.

To quote a bit of Country music wisdom, "Love ain't a thinking thing." if I just follow my heart then whatever this crazy journey takes me on I can enjoy the scenery instead of worrying what the destination is.

I want to double my efforts to be able to let go of these seeds of doubt that are planted by my negative thoughts. It's my strong belief that everyone is entitled to the benefit of doubt. The way I see the world, most people are good and shouldn't be treated like men and not hooligans. That's the way I hope I always see the world would see me.

(After I wrote this I went into this with reckless abandon and loved deeper then I ever did in my life. I didn't hold back even for a second. It didn't work out. And I regret nothing.)

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The Opposite Sex and Violence

There's been a somewhat disturbing trend on wrestling lately. First of all, let me qualify this by saying, "Yes, I do know that wrestling is scripted and mostly fictional," I'm not a complete idiot. So anyways, women on wrestling have been being attacked or harmed by men lately.

In reality, violence commited by males against females is pretty tragic in my opinion. And that's why when I see something in the realm of fiction depicting that kind of violence I tend to shutter on the inside a little. The media is full of that shit though, everything from fantasy fiction to Law & Order: SVU. And it's fucking our moral compass as a society.

Too often are women being portrayed as victims and its kind of boring. Now the kind of chick violence I can really appreciate is stuff like Kill Bill, Terminator, and Point of No Return. These ladies are warriors and then violent acts done to them by men are somewhat empowering because it puts them on the level of an adversary against the man that harms her. Guys, we have to take women seriously. They fight in our wars now. Women may be a little softer in some areas then we are but every warrior knows that no enemy should be underestimated. And a female enemy is nothing to be scoffed at.

What do you think?

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the best policy

I started off the day very angry. Certain situations have me stressed as of late and it just seems like my head is swimming in a sea of bad shit.

I had no idea how I was going to alleviate my woes. All day I just kept thinking of ways to make the situation worse. I was really probably on the verge of something stupid. But luckily I have a lot of time to think each day and after enough thought I decided to just tell the source of much frustration exactly and honestly how I feel.

After everything was said and heard I was left with NO solutions. Whatever.... it felt good to just get it off my chest.

Don't you think so?

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Wisdom?

I've been told that I have a wealth of life experience. I had to grow up quick in the kind of enviroment I was in as a child and sometimes I feel like I was cheated out of my teenage and early adult years.

Sometimes I feel like I can face the harsh realities of adult life uncommonly well compared to most other men my age. But I would gladly trade that toughness for that missing piece of my personality.

Sometimes I feel like my life is a balancing act of harsh reality and escapist fantasy. Life is always trying to get me down so I run to my books, games, and various smokables for a brief reprieve.

The older I get, the more I'm starting to realize that I don't know a lot of things. And lately, it seems that every man I run into claims to know-it-all. I can't stand this quality in people. Too many men are running their mouths and talking out of their asses. The sad thing is, just a few short years ago I was one of them.

I blame people fucking me up at an early age for me being like that. As a child, I was praised for my intellegence and creativity. And while I think it's good to nuture a gifted child I believe there's a wrong way to do it. Instead of getting my head inflated by adults, "Wow kid, you sure are smart for your age." I should've been challenged to push myself further.

After being told I was a "genius child" I became damn near unteachable. I still sometimes catch myself claiming to have knowledge on topics I don't know the first thing about.

The best friend I have right now is a semi-literate stoner who has claimed to have found enlightenment. However in this enlightened state-of-mind he rarely is able to see his own faults "Oh I have character faults, but I don't let other people see them." What a load.

Read well men, flapping your gums about all the stuff you know doesn't prove to people you're smart. Talking about how good you are at a task doesn't prove to people your a master of your trade. And reassuring people that you are a capable fighter that can really throw down doesn't prove to people that you're tough. All you're proving is that you can talk a lot about shit that doesn't  even matter in the first place. Please fellas, show some fucking humility for once in your life.

So what is wisdom? Wisdom is knowing that you aren't too smart to learn.

What do you think?

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The Difference Between Apples and Oranges

Ever since I started this new job I have been getting reaquainted with breakfast. Breakfast is a very important meal but having been a night person for the past year or so my body doesn't want food at 8 AM. It's like my stomach is saying, "What's the matter with you man? Its time for sleep not for food."

So rather then try to choke down something I just usually grab some fruit on my way out of the door and eat it on the way to work. I ran out of apples yesterday morning so I went to pick up some more on my way home. But before I could even look at the apples I saw those beautiful oranges...

I woke up late this morning, I freakin hate mornings man, grabbed and orange on the way out of the door. Now either I'm totally uncoordinated or it is damn difficult to walk and peel an orange at the same time.

"Should've stuck with the apples," I thought. Then I really got to thinking about it... Apples, though delicious, have succumbed to their fate. They have a super-thin, tasteless skin. Now oranges on the other hand, they got some fight. They sport a thick, bitter skin which requires a bit of digging before you can get to their deliciousness.

Am I an apple or an orange? Apples know their role and just go with the flow. Oranges have a strong will to survive and they make you earn their juicy rewards with effort. Truth is, I've been being a bit of an Apple in my life but here on this first blog of mine I vow to start being more like an Orange!

What about you?

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